Thursday, July 1, 2010

Do you know what unconditional love feels like?

This week has been such a blessing for so many reasons. Every day God reveals Himself in a new and even more unbelievable way. This week was just another blessing as we saw lives changed and a continuation of bringing hope and love to the people of Jamaica.

Tuesday was the day for Cynthia's graduation! I mentioned in a previous blog that she asked me to speak to the parents at the ceremony. As weeks and days lead up to Tuesday, she'd call to ask what color dress I was wearing so she could get the right color corsage or call for the spelling of my name to put in the program and I started to get nervous! I typically don't have an issue speaking in front of people, especially when I'm so passionate about something, but with this speech in particular I had no outline, no topic and no idea what to talk about. I truly couldn't get over the fact alone that somebody I look up to for so many things had asked me to speak at the graduation- let alone that they'd want to hear what I have to say. I sat up Monday night praying that it would be God's speech and not my own and bbbammm He wrote it for me. Tuesday I took the morning off to tie up some loose ends and so I'd have a chance to get myself ready to be there by 2:30. Marjan (who is my AMAZING roommate this week) decided she'd come with me for some support. As usual, we were on island time and the graduation started at 3:30. There was a tropical rain in the morning so all of the mosquitos on the island went into the Steer Town Methodist church. Before we realized how bad they were we sat inside for a solid 30-40 seconds... all before I looked at my leg to see 8 of them taking blood. The speech went great and I was even presented with the most adorable "I love you" journal at the end!

Wednesday morning we started the interview process for the child sponsorships. After sharing the need for school finances on my blog and had immediate response, we decided it was something we could do consistently with donations throughout the year. In order to get the program up and running, we realized we needed to find our children in need before I leave this week. Dusty took the initiative to make the outline for our sponsorship website and Marjan and I started the interviews on Wednesday morning! We had interviews with all sorts of parents and children. When I say interview, it is not to "weed anybody out." We're finding out the general information about the child and writing mini-biographies so people can know something about the child they're sponsoring. We took pictures for 73 children and had well over 80 names/information (not all the children could make it there). As much as it was heartbreaking to see the parents and children fighting for their chance to get an education, it was all the while beautiful that God even let this happen. That we have no idea what He has planned for the program but have all the faith in the world it will be another route for answered prayers.

Wednesday afternoon was supposed to be my last trip to the infirmary. All of Wednesday I'd been realizing that my time here is dwindling down and the thought of leaving has me with a constant lump in my throat and an unstoppable quiver lip. I have to say that the infirmary this year has been the most powerful portion of my time. The true loving and honest friendships that I've formed there are so unique and raw that the thought of leaving them behind is heartbreaking. Due to my 300 bug bites from the graduation on Tuesday, I took a benadryl to make the itching and swelling go down. The night before, the benadryl made me stay up all night (although, that may have been God helping me write my speech...). Not Wednesday. I was soooo sleepy. Keeping my eyes open on the ride there was a challenge. As usual, I walked in and got my bear hugs and love from all of my friends there. Donovan was SO excited about the DVD player from last week! I asked him if he let Dolores use it and he laughed and shook his head no. After talking with them for a while, I made my way back to Ryan. We were able to get him a dictionary and I brought him the power strip CHWC left behind. That day was different not only because the benedryl had me too tired to talk but because any bit of noise that came out of my mouth would turn into a slight sob. It was nothing short of painful to sit there talking to Ryan knowing it was the last time I'd be spending time with him. I'd be going back to the states and he'd still be there... in the infirmary... with hardly an ounce of hope. We finally broke down whatever barriers were left and talked about his story, his family, what happened to him that put in in a wheelchair and in the infirmary. We talked about what happens when the teams aren't there visiting and the different things he sees on a daily basis. Everything we talked about made it 10 times more heartbreaking. I've developed such a "nothing is impossible" attitude that I want to be able to snap my fingers and see everything be okay. I want Ryan and all of the other people that are unjustly living there to be let out and given jobs, I want Tina and everybody in need of a house to find shelter for their families, I want to know that there is nobody going to bed hungry or without parents. I've been living and working with these people for years and I still can' t understand why I can still go home and live in excess when these people will still be here praying for what's next. The one thing that gives me comfort is knowing that the majority of them have more faith than anyone. We pulled away from the infirmary and the tears started flowing. Thank God for Corinne and her shoulder she let me use to cry on.

Throughout the weeks, the enemy has done what he can to stop us in our ministry. For me in particular, I know that taking a day/part of a day off any time to re energize if I'm getting tired. I've mentioned before, I have experienced some exhaustion in the previous weeks. There have been MANY afternoons that I've given consideration to taking a break but after some prayer for the energy, I always ended up going out. After about the 3rd time, I realized that every time I went out, I found my soul reenergized and something incredible would happen. Through seeing this pattern, I didn't think twice about going out every time I thought about taking a break. Today was just another one of those days that proved to be miraculous.

One thing I didn't mention about my infirmary visit yesterday was how amazed I was by Gregory. Him and Aaron have a very hard time going there because it's their people. They know that most of the families can do better for the people living there and choose not to. Yesterday, however, was different. In all of the trips I've made to the infirmary in the past month, Gregory has come with the team and listened to his music. He'll make a quick walk around, sometimes stand next to me when I'm talking to people and will go back to the bus as soon as he gets the chance. Yesterday was different in that not only did I see him help a man get dressed but he sat and talked to Donovan for almost the entire time we were there. Last night, Chris, Gregory and I were talking and Gregory explained his experience. He said it felt like the Holy Spirit was guiding him and forcing him to do things. He said that at one point, I said (loudly) "Hi Gregory!" Which made somebody else hear his name, which is how he was asked to help a man put his shirt on. After I'd walked away with Ryan, he saw a piece of Ryan's chair was broken so he went for tape. He was walking up behind us with tape to fix the part of Ryan's chair when Donovan called him over. He sat and talked with Donovan and Dolores about EVERYTHING. For whatever reason, Donovan trusted him and told him things about himself and the infirmary that I'd never heard before. On top of that, he shared with Gregory that him and Dolores really want to go to church but can't get out. When Chris and I were talking with him last night, he kept saying that if he had money he would want to build better beds for the people in there and get them motorized wheelchairs and better food. We told him that he should consider that God's trying to open a door there and that Donovan would appreciate him visiting to talk once a week more than any motorized wheelchair. Gregory could be a consistent visitor that could really change things for not only those people but for the condition of the infirmary. He said he was a coward and needed somebody stronger to go with him... Chris told him to pray for courage. It was AWESOME to see God working so hard in his life. After while, Chris left and Marjan came in and asked what we were talking about. When Gregory explained, she literally said word-for-word everything that Chris and I had already said. Gregory got up and was looking for cameras and speakers and I think that's when he considered it might really be God talking to him rather than me, Chris or Marjan. It was tooo cool.

This morning after another busy morning of child sponsorship interviews, we came back for lunch. Ryan called me and told me (matter-of-factly) he hadn't eaten at all today and was about to play video games. He wanted to know every detail of my morning and what my plans were for the afternoon and at one point was borderline begging me to go hang out there. He's reading a new book and was making plans for my next Jamaica visit to spend at least 1-2 hours a day teaching him. He said that even if he can't go to college he can still learn. Every time I went to get off the phone to eat lunch he'd spark a new conversation. I sat there realizing how hard it must be having no close friends in there. Part of our conversation the other day included him asking me if I have any special friends in Jamaica. I explained that Aaron is my brother by everything but blood and I've known Gregory for just as long and there isn't much I wouldn't do for them. Ryan could not wrap his head around the concept of such close friendships. The more I thought about it the more I realized that the closest person to him, his mother, lives 5 minutes from the infirmary and "can't manage" him with his other siblings. That's all he's ever known and to have these teams come and genuinely care about him is changing his views on life. Needless to say, after spending 45 minutes on the phone with him and having to decide between food baskets and infirmary for my afternoon, I went with the infirmary. It worked out perfectly because there was plenty of extra food for him and I needed to give him a book from Miss Betty... God always has these things worked out...

There truly aren't words to describe how real and beautiful it was there today. Everybody except Ryan thought I'd left so there was extra love all around. The team we went with was the team Betty's been facilitating so I didn't know any of them and they didn't know the typical 45 minute average for our time spent there. We ended up staying for 2 hours and it was the most loving 2 hours I've ever lived. I sat there with Donovan, Dolores, Ryan and Lauren and talked, laughed and joked. Donovan talked about how much he loved me and that he will count down every day until I'm back and his words were real, meaningful words and not one was said without tears filling his eyes. Dolores and I have spent most of our time smiling and laughing with each other but it's hard to communicate with her because she can't talk. Today I felt a connection with her that I hadn't felt before. I saw this side of her that was so caring and genuine that made me want to pick her up and squeeze her. She'd point towards my foot to point out an ant crawling across it, she picked a piece of a flower bud that fell on my leg and when she saw me struggling to reach an itchy bug bite, she scratched it for me. For the first time, she left the towel out of her mouth and had a permanent smile. We held hands, took pictures and talked about God. I told them that Gregory told me they wanted to go to church and we talked about possible ways to get them out on Sundays. After long conversation, Donovan and Dolores decided they wanted to get baptized! I left there today with the song stuck in my head about "my souls flying high but my feet are on the ground." Not only that but when I got home, Kay gave me a box of coconut drops that Cynthia sent home for me and Rosie the masseuse was here. The second I started to feel my soul start to come back to my body, Workey called to say he was going to bottle up some aloe for me so I didn't have to go home with such bad bug bites. I am absolutely dumbfounded at the people I have in my life. I feel more blessed than I've ever felt in my life that God's given me the people he has. So, so, so undeniably grateful. I wish words could explain feelings better than that...

Tomorrow's my last day and I can't wait for the baptism and to see where God shows up on the last free day of the summer.

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