Journals from Haiti (1)

Matthew 17:20- He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."


Although it was only 1 week, Haiti was one of the most eye-opening and life changing experiences of my life. The things we did and saw were devastating. I was able to keep a journal to try my best to remember everything God did with us but to actually share the experience, you'd have to be there with the sights, sounds and smells. The news, pictures and testimonies were not nearly enough to prepare me for what we were really going into.

One of the neatest parts about this trip was that it was so clearly hand-picked. The team consisted of 11 of us total and the only people who knew each other were me and Jack who had briefly met in Jamaica. Everybody was coming from different cities, states and walks of life in order to come together for our mission. Our travels started with 6 of us meeting in Orlando to take a van down to Miami. When we arrived in Miami, we met 3 more team members before flying to Port Au Prince where we'd be meeting the final 2. It was a definite first experience going on a trip to a foreign country with a group of strangers but man, thank you God for the journey.

After arriving in Port Au Prince, we were immediately able to see some of the destruction. The airport was covered with cracks and broken wires. Customs hardly existed, bags were unorganized and it was a definite enter at your own risk environment- we were lucky to make it out alive with all of our bags! I was fortunate enough to catch a ride with our Haitian brother Fenel up to Jacmel which is a 3 hour drive. The first hour and a half was spent with tears in my eyes as we drove through the destruction. The tent cities are indescribable. I had heard about these tent cities, but to actually be there and see tent after tent after tent with thousands of people forced out of their houses and into the streets was sickening. There was smoke from garbage burning, gigantic buildings brought to the ground everywhere you could see, mounds and mounds of garbage with pigs eating and rats scurrying, people bathing in the streets using only a bowl of water, UN and military trucks driving around delivering little bags of drinking water and for the first time I thought of the idea of dignity as a luxury. These people are forced to be in their situation with no choice but to bathe in the middle of the street. They have no privacy and until recently, they didn't have a toilet. Even now there are 2-5 porta-potties per city. To take a place that is already in terrible poverty and bring it crashing to the ground is hard to imagine. After I took a few pictures and asked Fenel question after question, he put on some Christian music... in english.

Now, it's a long story that will take up another page, but for me to get to Haiti was a huge test in faith. It took many months of God telling me over and over though songs, phone calls and prayer that Haiti was where I was supposed to be. During those months, I tried my hardest to get out of it after realizing I had $0 to finance the trip. After a final prayer of "God, is this really where I should be going," having the prayer answered and putting all of my faith in him, I made it. When I was riding in that car with Fenel, I had that wow moment of seeing what faith can do. There were many times I told Him that it was just Him and I because I had many of the closest people to me telling me not to and not only did God take care of me but I'm sure they've gained faith through seeing that He can move the mountains. As we were riding and I was awe-struck over what we were seeing, "Shout to the Lord' came on. I was looking at all of the people shoved shoulder to shoulder in these small areas with little to no shelter when I really listened to the lyrics. My comfort, my shelter... mountains will bow and the seas will roar... how powerful. As I was listening to the song, I saw a tap tap (Haitian form of transportation that I'll explain later) drive by that had JESUS written on the back, I saw scripture spray painted on the remaining rubble of crushed buildings, the beautiful sunset over the bright blue ocean and I was able to see some hope and beauty that I could only pray the Haitian people could see from under the tarps covering their heads.

After we were out of Port Au Prince we headed up into the mountains and it started to get dark. I looked in the sky and saw more stars than I've ever seen in my life. It looked like He spray painted metallic gold onto the midnight black universe. The only word that kept popping into my head was "freckled." I've on many occasions seen a beautiful night sky but they were nothing compared to the sky I saw from up in the mountains on the way to the mission house that night.

We made it to the mission house that night with a chicken and rice dinner waiting for us. I was told that we were staying in tents so the thought of an air mattress with a roof over our heads was pretty exciting. That night we met our amazing cooks and spent some time getting to know each other as we were clueless about what the week would bring...

I hope you had the time of your life.

I was doing my devotional this morning and thought this was worth sharing:

"Learn to laugh at yourself more freely. Don't take yourself or your circumstances so seriously. Relax and know that I am God with you. When you desire My will above all else, life becomes much less threatening. Stop trying to monitor My responsibilities- things that are beyond your control. Find freedom by accepting the boundaries of y our domain. Laughter lightens your load and lifts your heart into heavenly places. Your laughter rises in heaven and blends with angelic melodies of praise. Just as parents delight the laughter of their children, so I delight in hearing My children laugh. I rejoice when you trust Me enough to enjoy your life light heartedly"

Matthew 11:28-30... find some joy in knowing He has everything taken care of.

The last day in Jamaica was filled with emotions. I had my manicure, ate at Passage to India with Marjan, stopped in the grocery store to pick up groceries for Ryan and went to Dunns River Falls. I was too busy all morning to let myself realize it was my last day but eventually I found myself sitting between Gregory and Aaron, listening to music at my favorite spot looking out at the water thinking about the last month. The unconditional love, the hope, the joy, the friendships-new and old, the community, the lives changed, the laughs, the tears, the sweat and all of the memories. I realized I was sitting between two of my best friends in the world and the next day would be another "see you next time." It's hard because the whole time you're there, you meet new people every week. People you truly love and want to be friends with... and then they leave. It was harder and harder each week to say goodbye to new friends but it always helped having the guys there. As I was sitting there, I realized that it was my turn to say goodbye.

We spent the rest of the afternoon doing a "walk about" to hand out Bibles to people in Steer Town and visiting the 2 houses and school that were put up that week so the teams could pray over them. We started at the community center and went around until we ended up at the new school. Pulling up at the completed little yellow school room with red letters saying "Bright Beginners Kindergarten" and seeing Cynthia standing inside with a HUGE smile on her face was fantastic. She was so grateful. She'd prepared a presentation for Mr. Dusty and the team including a thank you card and a laminated certificate. We prayed over the school and spent a little time with the kids before heading back to the villas.

All day Gregory kept asking "are you going to the infirmary" and I kept saying yes I had to go bring Ryan the groceries... and he kept asking! I didn't figure out why until we were actually leaving to go to the infirmary. Gregory bought Donovan some DVD's and a cable that would connect his dvd player to the TV. How cool. We were all trying to figure out how to get a bus that would be able to run us over to the infirmary for a little bit without affecting the whole team's schedule. We were able to get Jeffery's bus and decided to go right before dinner. It was just me, Gregory and Marjan who hadn't been there all week. It's easy to scare people away from the infirmary because of the preparation we do beforehand. We explain what the infirmary is and pray together for strength and comfort which doesn't sound good to someone with a very weak stomach. Needless to say, after the week was over and she hadn't been, she really felt called to be there. Uncle came along for the ride with us so it was the 3 Jamaicans + Marjan and myself in the little bus... windows down, blaring reggae all the way to Priory.

I may have said this about each of the visits to the infirmary, but I really think this may have been the neatest visit. There were just 3 of us so it was much quieter and we were able to spend time with more people. I rushed the bags back to Ryan's bed so the ladies wouldn't stop me and then went back out to meet with everybody in the community area. Dolores came and grabbed my arm with no intention of letting go and Donovan told me that he was waiting for me. I looked over and saw Marjan sitting with Alex who is an 18 year old boy who's in a wheelchair and isn't able to talk. He has the most beautiful smile I've ever seen in my life and brings tears to my eyes every time I see it. Marjan was rubbing his face, singing to him with tears filling her eyes while he sat there with his breathtaking smile that takes away every problem in the world. Every ounce of me wanted to sneak each of them out of there and find a loving family to take care of them. I was filled with anger towards their families, specifically Ryan's. Knowing they live just minutes away and "can't manage" him... there has to be another option.

We couldn't stay long and the 2 minute walk out seemed to take an hour. Dolores held on to my arm and hugged me off and on all the way to the gate. The ride home was silent and filled with tears. We went back to have the leftovers from dinner and some short meetings. We ended up sitting under the stars and singing and praying for hours, trying to make the time stop so we could sit there forever. Eventually everybody went to bed and I sat up talking and crying with the guys until I couldn't keep my eyes open any more. I packed my things and laid in bed wishing the morning wouldn't come.

I woke up on the last morning and it somehow did not feel like the last day. I was in the mind frame that we'd wave goodbye to this team, lay by the pool and have the next team come in at night. It wasn't until Betty came and sat down with me that I really realized that this was it. The hardest part about leaving is knowing that you're leaving such close friends behind. We know they're taken care of when we're around but when we leave, they go back to their regular routine too. There really isn't any way to describe the feelings and everything that happened that morning. I saw tears out of grown men and felt things I'd never felt before. I've known for a long time that God's leading me towards missions full time and the moment before I was walking away from the busses with my luggage I was ready to miss the flight and stay forever.

Thank you to Jamaica. Your people, your beauty, your spirituality, what you've done in my life, showing me the way to God... there's nothing I could do there that could possibly match up with what you've given me. I can't wait until we meet again.

The past week I've been at Michelle's in Orlando. This is the best place I could possibly be when I'd usually be experiencing the post-missions reverse culture shock depression (whatever you want to call it...). Having Michelle here who is not only one of my best friends and a believer but has been to Jamaica so many times made it an easy transition. Not to mention having Ashlin and Ella to love on. I went straight to a craw fish boil for her step dad Ben who has been very sick the past few months. I finally got to meet all of her family and spend time loving on the girls and talking to Ben. I ate my first few craw fish... it took a little getting used to but I'm pretty sure I want to have an annual craw fish boil when I grow up and can afford it. ;) The next couple of days we went to Disney to stay at the Contemporary. What could have been a dramatic culture shock was soo much fun. We got to have breakfast with the cast (trying to determine every physical and personal detail of the people under the costume) and watched fireworks from the pool for the 4th. We saw Toy Story 3 which was AMAZING, spent some time at downtown disney and just spent time together. I thank God everyday for the people He's given me in my life and having somebody that is so loving and welcoming that takes such good care of me while I'm here is such a blessing... I don't deserve it!!

I leave tomorrow morning for Haiti and won't have any communication for a week. Please keep us in your prayers. We have a team of 10 and will be working with children from the orphanage, construction work and visiting the destruction. We'll be needing strength, health and safety.... no doubt God'll be providing for us. Please also pray for Michelle and her family. Ben passed away on Wednesday night and they'll be in need of strength as they continue to celebrate Ben's life here on earth. It's been truly beautiful to hear all of the kids talk about Ben as an angel spending time with Jesus. There's nothing like words from heaven coming out of the mouths of babies. I have been more than blessed to be able to spend time with the family and learning more about what a great person Ben was.

Thanks for reading. I'll keep a journal and update about Haiti next week. I am too excited to see what God has planned for us in Haiti- especially knowing how hard the enemy is trying to keep us away. :] I love you all.

Do you know what unconditional love feels like?

This week has been such a blessing for so many reasons. Every day God reveals Himself in a new and even more unbelievable way. This week was just another blessing as we saw lives changed and a continuation of bringing hope and love to the people of Jamaica.

Tuesday was the day for Cynthia's graduation! I mentioned in a previous blog that she asked me to speak to the parents at the ceremony. As weeks and days lead up to Tuesday, she'd call to ask what color dress I was wearing so she could get the right color corsage or call for the spelling of my name to put in the program and I started to get nervous! I typically don't have an issue speaking in front of people, especially when I'm so passionate about something, but with this speech in particular I had no outline, no topic and no idea what to talk about. I truly couldn't get over the fact alone that somebody I look up to for so many things had asked me to speak at the graduation- let alone that they'd want to hear what I have to say. I sat up Monday night praying that it would be God's speech and not my own and bbbammm He wrote it for me. Tuesday I took the morning off to tie up some loose ends and so I'd have a chance to get myself ready to be there by 2:30. Marjan (who is my AMAZING roommate this week) decided she'd come with me for some support. As usual, we were on island time and the graduation started at 3:30. There was a tropical rain in the morning so all of the mosquitos on the island went into the Steer Town Methodist church. Before we realized how bad they were we sat inside for a solid 30-40 seconds... all before I looked at my leg to see 8 of them taking blood. The speech went great and I was even presented with the most adorable "I love you" journal at the end!

Wednesday morning we started the interview process for the child sponsorships. After sharing the need for school finances on my blog and had immediate response, we decided it was something we could do consistently with donations throughout the year. In order to get the program up and running, we realized we needed to find our children in need before I leave this week. Dusty took the initiative to make the outline for our sponsorship website and Marjan and I started the interviews on Wednesday morning! We had interviews with all sorts of parents and children. When I say interview, it is not to "weed anybody out." We're finding out the general information about the child and writing mini-biographies so people can know something about the child they're sponsoring. We took pictures for 73 children and had well over 80 names/information (not all the children could make it there). As much as it was heartbreaking to see the parents and children fighting for their chance to get an education, it was all the while beautiful that God even let this happen. That we have no idea what He has planned for the program but have all the faith in the world it will be another route for answered prayers.

Wednesday afternoon was supposed to be my last trip to the infirmary. All of Wednesday I'd been realizing that my time here is dwindling down and the thought of leaving has me with a constant lump in my throat and an unstoppable quiver lip. I have to say that the infirmary this year has been the most powerful portion of my time. The true loving and honest friendships that I've formed there are so unique and raw that the thought of leaving them behind is heartbreaking. Due to my 300 bug bites from the graduation on Tuesday, I took a benadryl to make the itching and swelling go down. The night before, the benadryl made me stay up all night (although, that may have been God helping me write my speech...). Not Wednesday. I was soooo sleepy. Keeping my eyes open on the ride there was a challenge. As usual, I walked in and got my bear hugs and love from all of my friends there. Donovan was SO excited about the DVD player from last week! I asked him if he let Dolores use it and he laughed and shook his head no. After talking with them for a while, I made my way back to Ryan. We were able to get him a dictionary and I brought him the power strip CHWC left behind. That day was different not only because the benedryl had me too tired to talk but because any bit of noise that came out of my mouth would turn into a slight sob. It was nothing short of painful to sit there talking to Ryan knowing it was the last time I'd be spending time with him. I'd be going back to the states and he'd still be there... in the infirmary... with hardly an ounce of hope. We finally broke down whatever barriers were left and talked about his story, his family, what happened to him that put in in a wheelchair and in the infirmary. We talked about what happens when the teams aren't there visiting and the different things he sees on a daily basis. Everything we talked about made it 10 times more heartbreaking. I've developed such a "nothing is impossible" attitude that I want to be able to snap my fingers and see everything be okay. I want Ryan and all of the other people that are unjustly living there to be let out and given jobs, I want Tina and everybody in need of a house to find shelter for their families, I want to know that there is nobody going to bed hungry or without parents. I've been living and working with these people for years and I still can' t understand why I can still go home and live in excess when these people will still be here praying for what's next. The one thing that gives me comfort is knowing that the majority of them have more faith than anyone. We pulled away from the infirmary and the tears started flowing. Thank God for Corinne and her shoulder she let me use to cry on.

Throughout the weeks, the enemy has done what he can to stop us in our ministry. For me in particular, I know that taking a day/part of a day off any time to re energize if I'm getting tired. I've mentioned before, I have experienced some exhaustion in the previous weeks. There have been MANY afternoons that I've given consideration to taking a break but after some prayer for the energy, I always ended up going out. After about the 3rd time, I realized that every time I went out, I found my soul reenergized and something incredible would happen. Through seeing this pattern, I didn't think twice about going out every time I thought about taking a break. Today was just another one of those days that proved to be miraculous.

One thing I didn't mention about my infirmary visit yesterday was how amazed I was by Gregory. Him and Aaron have a very hard time going there because it's their people. They know that most of the families can do better for the people living there and choose not to. Yesterday, however, was different. In all of the trips I've made to the infirmary in the past month, Gregory has come with the team and listened to his music. He'll make a quick walk around, sometimes stand next to me when I'm talking to people and will go back to the bus as soon as he gets the chance. Yesterday was different in that not only did I see him help a man get dressed but he sat and talked to Donovan for almost the entire time we were there. Last night, Chris, Gregory and I were talking and Gregory explained his experience. He said it felt like the Holy Spirit was guiding him and forcing him to do things. He said that at one point, I said (loudly) "Hi Gregory!" Which made somebody else hear his name, which is how he was asked to help a man put his shirt on. After I'd walked away with Ryan, he saw a piece of Ryan's chair was broken so he went for tape. He was walking up behind us with tape to fix the part of Ryan's chair when Donovan called him over. He sat and talked with Donovan and Dolores about EVERYTHING. For whatever reason, Donovan trusted him and told him things about himself and the infirmary that I'd never heard before. On top of that, he shared with Gregory that him and Dolores really want to go to church but can't get out. When Chris and I were talking with him last night, he kept saying that if he had money he would want to build better beds for the people in there and get them motorized wheelchairs and better food. We told him that he should consider that God's trying to open a door there and that Donovan would appreciate him visiting to talk once a week more than any motorized wheelchair. Gregory could be a consistent visitor that could really change things for not only those people but for the condition of the infirmary. He said he was a coward and needed somebody stronger to go with him... Chris told him to pray for courage. It was AWESOME to see God working so hard in his life. After while, Chris left and Marjan came in and asked what we were talking about. When Gregory explained, she literally said word-for-word everything that Chris and I had already said. Gregory got up and was looking for cameras and speakers and I think that's when he considered it might really be God talking to him rather than me, Chris or Marjan. It was tooo cool.

This morning after another busy morning of child sponsorship interviews, we came back for lunch. Ryan called me and told me (matter-of-factly) he hadn't eaten at all today and was about to play video games. He wanted to know every detail of my morning and what my plans were for the afternoon and at one point was borderline begging me to go hang out there. He's reading a new book and was making plans for my next Jamaica visit to spend at least 1-2 hours a day teaching him. He said that even if he can't go to college he can still learn. Every time I went to get off the phone to eat lunch he'd spark a new conversation. I sat there realizing how hard it must be having no close friends in there. Part of our conversation the other day included him asking me if I have any special friends in Jamaica. I explained that Aaron is my brother by everything but blood and I've known Gregory for just as long and there isn't much I wouldn't do for them. Ryan could not wrap his head around the concept of such close friendships. The more I thought about it the more I realized that the closest person to him, his mother, lives 5 minutes from the infirmary and "can't manage" him with his other siblings. That's all he's ever known and to have these teams come and genuinely care about him is changing his views on life. Needless to say, after spending 45 minutes on the phone with him and having to decide between food baskets and infirmary for my afternoon, I went with the infirmary. It worked out perfectly because there was plenty of extra food for him and I needed to give him a book from Miss Betty... God always has these things worked out...

There truly aren't words to describe how real and beautiful it was there today. Everybody except Ryan thought I'd left so there was extra love all around. The team we went with was the team Betty's been facilitating so I didn't know any of them and they didn't know the typical 45 minute average for our time spent there. We ended up staying for 2 hours and it was the most loving 2 hours I've ever lived. I sat there with Donovan, Dolores, Ryan and Lauren and talked, laughed and joked. Donovan talked about how much he loved me and that he will count down every day until I'm back and his words were real, meaningful words and not one was said without tears filling his eyes. Dolores and I have spent most of our time smiling and laughing with each other but it's hard to communicate with her because she can't talk. Today I felt a connection with her that I hadn't felt before. I saw this side of her that was so caring and genuine that made me want to pick her up and squeeze her. She'd point towards my foot to point out an ant crawling across it, she picked a piece of a flower bud that fell on my leg and when she saw me struggling to reach an itchy bug bite, she scratched it for me. For the first time, she left the towel out of her mouth and had a permanent smile. We held hands, took pictures and talked about God. I told them that Gregory told me they wanted to go to church and we talked about possible ways to get them out on Sundays. After long conversation, Donovan and Dolores decided they wanted to get baptized! I left there today with the song stuck in my head about "my souls flying high but my feet are on the ground." Not only that but when I got home, Kay gave me a box of coconut drops that Cynthia sent home for me and Rosie the masseuse was here. The second I started to feel my soul start to come back to my body, Workey called to say he was going to bottle up some aloe for me so I didn't have to go home with such bad bug bites. I am absolutely dumbfounded at the people I have in my life. I feel more blessed than I've ever felt in my life that God's given me the people he has. So, so, so undeniably grateful. I wish words could explain feelings better than that...

Tomorrow's my last day and I can't wait for the baptism and to see where God shows up on the last free day of the summer.

Miracles, miracles, miracles...

Video for the first 2 weeks down here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NRdHFTck7lk

Sorry for the lack of updates. There's a few more days between each blog as time goes on and I value sleep more and more. This week is the week of answered prayers. Well, every week has been the week of answered prayers but this one is a week that will directly affect people's lives drastically. To look back at my first blogs and see what we'd been praying about, talking about, working through and hoping for... it is unbelievable to see what's actually happening. When the new team arrived yesterday, we had service at the Baptist church in St. Ann's and spent the afternoon doing a "drive about" to see the worksites for the week. Colonial Hills is Betty & Jim's church in Mississippi and they always come prepared to work. They brought money for 3 houses and with each house a bed and a food basket. Along with that, they brought supplies to build a slide at the Seville Heights Basic School playground. Before they came down and after Dusty and I met with Cynthia, Dusty called Jim to see if one of their houses could be the first room of the school. Jim happily said yes and the team was thrilled they'd be a part of the building of the school!

Our drive about was emotional to say the least. Not only am I more emotional now with it being the last week here but it really is one of the coolest weeks seeing prayers directly answered. We visited the two house sites and got to see the excitement of the people who would now have a roof over their heads. One of the women has been waiting a long time for a house and to see her just bubble over with excitement and throw her arms around Dusty was beautiful. When we went to the site of the school I was washed over with a wave of realization with how much the creator of the universe really cares so lovingly and individually about each and every one of us. To think about 2 weeks ago, seeing Cynthia cry in hopelessness to driving up to a worksite of the new school where the pit for the bathroom was dug, the trenches were done and they were ready to start mixing cement for the foundation. My heart has really been called to Cynthia and her students for the past 2 years and to see her hopelessness turn in to hope and prayers turn to reality is the greatest feeling in the world.

This morning I woke up at 5:45 to go for a walk with Betty. Yep, Betty's back and zumba was in full effect last night- minus the yelling and animations that the youth teams brought. After walking and the normal coffee routine we had the blessing of the hands. Every week is just as special as the last being able to tell God that these are His hands to do what He wants with them. I can't think of a better way to start the week.

We dropped the teams off at their sites and then Corinne and I went into town to exchange money and pick up things to make lunches. Colonial Hills is arguably crazy and they don't take lunch breaks when they're here in order to get all of their projects done right away which is why Corinne and I spent the morning making 50 PB&J's! After our sandwich making, I went back to the school where I was bombarded by the kids. With Jim leading the team members working on the house and the fact that it's an adult team in general gave me LOTS of time with the kids today. Workey and Aaron are also working at the school. It's funny because the 3 of us were placed at Cynthia's school together last year and worked side by side every day. It was awesome to be able to spend time catching up with Workey again. He's an awesome guy, hard worker and keeps us stocked with starfruit which isn't bad at all.

I'm off to worship but tomorrow I'm speaking at the Bright Beginners graduation and interviewing the kids for school sponsorships... please keep me and everyone on the team in your prayers! It's hot, humid and there's lots of work to be done!

Tropical Trough

We've had some strange weather here the past few days. After our nice little flood here on Tuesday night, the rain continued. We were awakened by Fr. Ralph singing about a trough passing over the island. I'm from Michigan, I've never heard the word trough in my life but apparently it's a green spot on the radar that lasts for an extended period of time. We were lucky in that the mornings were usually pretty sunny and every afternoon the rain was non-stop.

Wednesday morning we were back at the worksite cementing! Anyone who's been here at all this summer would be amazed at the amount of work that's been accomplished. At some point in the morning, Dusty called me over to have a meeting in his office. His office being the cinder block located conveniently beneath a coconut tree. :o) Turns out, after making a few calls we have Jim and Betty's church coming in this weekend with funds to build 3 houses. They agreed that one of the houses could be the first room of the new school. That means we break ground on MONDAY!!!!! I am so excited that I've been able to be a part of God's plan for this- it's unbelievable to see the love behind everything that's being done. Workey's already been at the site getting the foundation ready and we'll be digging the pit for the septic tank asap. Along with that news, we've had many individuals from teams who have fallen in love with the children here and want to get involved with the sponsorship program (yes, its now a program) which we've named IsleGRO. :-D More information will be up on IsleGo's website but we're setting up with our partners here in order to have pictures, a brief biography and regular updates which will keep you updated on their progress throughout the year. I can't wait to see where He takes this...

Wednesday afternoon I went back to the infirmary and it was another heart warming experience. I can't even explain the joy I'm filled with when I leave that place. To see the growth God's given me over the past few weeks and to go from being terrified of the infirmary to being ecstatic when it's my day to go. Even the processing we do with the group is amazing. We prepare them for the things they'll see, pray for the power to handle it and then reflect afterwards. When we walked in, I always go straight for the mens ward where I'm greeted with HUGE smiles and hugs. Donovan, Dolores & Lauren are always in the same spot against the wall and are excited for visitors. After saying hi and having my intake of love for the century, I went off to look for Ryan. He wasn't in his bed, wasn't in the back rooms and wasn't in the community room. I went back to see Roland and there Ryan was laughing at me cause he heard I was circling the infirmary looking for him while he was circling looking for me! We went back to his bed and as usual talked and talked and talked. He asked if I could figure out the dictionary function on his computer and without internet there's no dictionary. After 20 minutes of searching, he finally pulled out a notebook from under his chair and said "maybe you could help me." He had written down 20-30 words that he'd heard or read and wanted to know the meaning of. He told me part of his story and talked about how badly he wants to go to college. My heart broke a little more with each part of the story he told. It absolutely kills me to know he's in there doing everything he can to learn when many of us take education for granted. I asked him what they feed them in there and he went on to say the food isn't very good but if he can "beg money" he can get a "box lunch" which is a little better. They're around $200 Jamaican dollars (or around $3US dollars) for some rice & jerk chicken. He had some hidden under his pillow and when he took it out to show me there were ants all over the box. He didn't think anything of it and wiped them off before putting it back under the pillow. I don't know what I can do but I'd do anything to get him out of that infirmary. He needs a hope that he doesn't have right now. Please pray for him.

Thursday morning I went up to Steer Town to help paint the windows at the church. Most of the team worked inside the church so I went out back and used the ladder to reach the higher windows. I can't think of a more peaceful place besides the picnic tables at the falls! I had the most beautiful breeze, music & painting is SO therapeutic. We finished early so we were able t spend time with Uncle, Pastor Edwards & Daphnie. I've mentioned it before but there's nothing better than really getting to know somebody that you've "known" for years. Daphnie and I sat and talked for over an hour and she is truly amazing! She sat and listened to me explain the sponsorship program and immediately ran up to show us the uniforms she's been working on sewing at the center. She suggested we just buy fabric to have her sew for us. How awesome!

Thursday afternoon was another food basket day. We went shopping in St. Ann's again and delivered baskets in Seville Heights. It's great having so much time in the community because now we can walk down the street and know everybody by name. The two houses we went to were the parents of the children we've been playing with at the worksite. I would love to start a food basket ministry in the states.... hmmmm...

Thursday night was CHWC's "Four Corners" night which is usually a really emotional time for all of the kids. It's full of prayer and I've never heard of anyone walking away without seeing God somewhere. I laid on the couch and listened to the praise and worship all night. I absolutely love praise & worship and could have laid, sang and prayed there forever. It's even more spiritual knowing you're on an island working with a group of people who have molded together over the week while listening to the tree frogs and looking at stars that look like they could be touched they're so bright.

Today was the free day and it was the first day where it rained alllll day. Corinne, Chelle and I had our nail appointment this morning. $11 for a pedicure isn't beatable and it is the best pedicure in the world! After pedis, we went for limeades and to the Ruins for lunch with Ralph. The Ruins is a restaurant that's directly behind Dunns River Falls so you're eating surrounded by waterfalls. It's a buffet style restaurant and it is phenomenal. We spent hours laughing and talking endlessly. Being in Jamaica alone makes me happy but to be here with such good friends (and meeting new friends every day) makes it even more amazing. I am truly, truly blessed.

I took the afternoon off today and spent it cuddled up in bed. I left the room only to get tea and talk to the team after their evening service. We talked about the post missions depression, the work they've done, the people they've touched, the people who have touched them and the "what's next" for their lives. This team has been wonderful beyond words. They all came from different parts of the country- some alone, others in small groups, others with their youth groups and even a mother/daughter group. Throughout the week I don't know that I've ever seen a team mend together and really become "one." Not only that but I can't tell you one negative thing I heard all week. Everybody was enthusiastic, positive, loving and open to anything they were doing. I have heard the words "my life has changed forever" more out of a group in all of the years I've been here. The group bought a photo album and they each wrote a "thank you" note on the pages. There were some pretty powerful testimonies of the week and it made me feel even more blessed to be a part of it. This is yet another group that will be really hard to say bye to in the morning.

Bed time for this girl. I can't believe it's my last week here... :*(

Trowback Tuesday

Ephesians 2: 8-10

Now God has us where he wants us, with all the time in this world and the next to shower grace and kindness upon us in Christ Jesus. Saving is all his idea, and all his work. All we do is trust him enough to let him do it. It's God's gift from start to finish! We don't play the major role. If we did, we'd probably go around bragging that we'd done the whole thing! No, we neither make nor save ourselves. God does both the making and saving. He creates each of us by Christ Jesus to join him in the work he does, the good work he has gotten ready for us to do, work we had better be doing.

^From 'the message' translation

Today was one of the most mentally refreshing days since I've been here. I haven't been writing about it, but being here for an extended period of time takes a toll mentally and physically. It's hard to turn your brain off from the constant responsibility of the teams and being on call 24 hours a day alone. On top of that, it is impossible to turn your mind away from all of the people you've created relationships with in the communities we work in. I've mentioned the feeling like we can never do enough and knowing we're coming back to air conditioned rooms with big comfortable beds and food on our plates. Aside from the non-stop brain action, we're out in the hot sun for hours every day. Let me make myself very clear that this is not a complaint. There's no place in the world I'd rather be with the mental and physical exhaustion- even if this is where God wants me to be forever... but it definitely does take a toll. Michelle's seen the "mentally not with us Katie" the past few days and it's not pretty. I'd kind of lost my mind. It has nothing to do with taking a day off because I've had some of those but it's impossible to turn my brain off and maaan is it tiring. I could go hang out at the RIU for the day and experience the same "my body, voice and brain are no longer connected" feeling because, like I said, you can't turn off thoughts or emotions and I think anybody that's been here this summer can attest to the power of those.

Today I woke up feeling energized after a good night of sleep and was headed back to Seville for more cement work. Jess & I were both at the site this morning and we've fallen into a routine of showing up, bringing tools up to the mixing area and around the time we're ready to get everyone working Marcus shows up. Marcus brings his phone which has about 4 or 5 full songs from Justin Beiber to Gyptian and we spend the morning singing the 4 or 5 songs... over and over and over. This morning we had 3 teams at the site and everybody fell right into their work! The cement guys went to the bottom of the hill and carried their 94 pound bags of cement up on their shoulders. 10 sounded pretty good after yesterday's 50 so as most of the girls were shoveling rocks/sand into wheel barrels, Jess & I cheered on the guys. They were hustlin, especially for 9am. I swear some of the guys weighed less than their cement bags...

The morning was spent, as usual, mixing, bucket lining and pouring. We have most of the trench filled for the foundation and move faster and faster every day. The community center's finally heading above ground!! At some point in the morning we heard an ear piercing scream coming from the woody area. There were houses back there and I wasn't as concerned about anyone's safety but it brought me back to a memory of somebodies child dying here and the same ear piercing scream. I walked towards the woods to see what was going on and Mikey/Uncle said she was taken over by the Holy Spirit. The way she was screaming uncontrollably, it sounded more like she was taken over by demons but whatever it was it was really unsettling and went on for over 40 minutes and we left before it was over. If anyone has any thoughts... let me know.

This afternoon I was 100% set on having a salad and my canned chicken Michelle picked up for me. Unfortunately it was patty day so those plans went out the window. Instead we stuffed our patties with salad and the best cheese you've ever had in your life. I don't know what's in those patties but I wouldn't be shocked if you told me the ingredient list included an addictive drug. Today I lost my mind by around 12:40 which was approximately 4 hours before it left us yesterday.

I decided at lunch that I needed to do something physical since I haven't even walked in the morning since Betty left. We went back to Seville with just 1 of the teams and got right to work. They needed 5 more cement bags so I decided I'd jump in, despite everybody's doubt that I could pick it up let alone carry it up the hill. I don't think that in any other situation I'd be able to look at the bag without getting tired but I did it! Jordan put the 94 pound bag on my shoulder and I hiked up that hill. There were a few steps that I could have sworn I wasn't going to make it and by the time you make it to the top you're sweating from pores that didn't previously exist but it felt good. My mind was back and the endorphins were flowing. By the end of the afternoon I carried 3 cement bags up that hill. God was for sure spotting me cause I can't bench 100 pounds... hiking up a 90 degree incline with it on my shoulder couldn't have been my own power. I spent part of the afternoon cheering on the bucket line standing/dancing on top of the cinder blocks. I also had 2 of the team members ask if they could find the girl we were playing with this morning because they brought her back a coloring book and crayons. Of course up for the adventure, I asked a 12 year old boy, "Tips," if he could take us to her house. Turns out, she's Cynthia's daughter! Not the principal Cynthia but the food basket we delivered yesterday. I love going into a community and getting to know the dynamics of it all. Seville Heights, JA and Anywhere in the valley, AZ aren't as different as I thought. Everybody's either related or they dated in high school.

Today was the first day I really realized how close I've gotten to the kids at Seville. There aren't very many of them but I think that makes it special. There's nothing like hearing a synchronized "KAAATTTIEEEEEE" followed by hugs and kisses from the kids. Today another little girl who I hadn't ever met came up to me and gave me a bouquet of flowers she'd picked. Just thinking about them makes my heart smile. My relationship with all of the older guys has become closer than it's ever been before too. I've really been blessed with time to sit and talk for hours with them and where before we'd always use the terms "broda and sista," I really feel like they're family now. Saturday at the tournament I was sitting on the sidelines and at separate times had Aaron, Gregory, Domain, Chey and Red give me their phones/clothes/ipod/money/anything else they had on them to hold while they played. Everyday throughout the day I hear "sista everyting good?" I have been blessed beyond words with these people in my life and I cannot imagine life without them.

After an exhausting afternoon (my arms and legs were trembling from the cementing adventure) we came back to the villa to get ready for dinner. Chelle, Ralph, JC and our new friend Brittany were sitting chatting in the kitchen. Brittany came in town from New Kingston to talk to the team after mass tonight. She signed a 2 year contract with the Peace Corps and is currently on her 3rd year after extending the contract. I of course had 2 million questions for her because my heart is already moved here and she's been living here for over 2 years coming from Cincinnati, Ohio. After talking with her and eating curried goat, it started pouring. The plan for after dinner was to have mass on the beach. That was out of the question but Chelle and Ralph had to decide whether they'd still have mass in Ocho Rios and somehow fit in their small group meetings OR to cancel all plans and have a free night. Around the time Michelle and I were talking about options, Ralph came back and was talking about how much fun the kids were having. Today was the day where everybody from everywhere becomes friends. It's harder when you stay within your youth group but after 2 days of working with mixed teams, they were allll getting to know each other. Needless to say, we see how important the new friendships are and they got the night off. At first I was thinking "perfect, it's only 6:45. Time for a hot shower, a book and early to bed and I'll be fully refreshed!" Yea right.

Geri told me that one of our house keepers was stuck here in the flood. First of all, I didn't know it was flooded. Second of all, crap. I went outside to walk over to the villa where she is staying and stepped out in tennis shoes thinking it'd be a little wet. No, I was calf-high in water. I started walking and saw an umbrella float by me upside down. It might have been a little scary if I didn't hear Beyonce bumping in the villa next to me. By the time I made it down to the villa, she'd already left so I walked back to check on the Beyonce dance team. They were all standing in the villa because Ralph saw lighting and they weren't allowed in the pool. I paid attention for a little bit and there was no thunder or lightning for an extended period of time so I sent them back to the pool. My plan was to go back to the villa and continue with my hot shower/reading plan. Yea right. Gregory and Aaron think it's just as funny the 392038th time to pick me up, spin in circles, jump up and down and manhandle me into the pool. It may have been a little bit funnier today having the kids chanting my name... I haven't decided yet.

There wasn't a whole lot else to do at that point but accept my plan was out of the question. A free night with nothing but a pool and 40 teenagers lead to the most intense chicken-war tournament I've ever been a part of. I'm sure it looked hilarious because all of us were so sore from cementing. We were a force of people stacked up with no arm power and lots of splashing & screaming. This was followed by a violent game of marco polo. At that point the air was so much colder than the pool I was shivering! Eventually I stopped being a baby and left them to play games & headed back to the villa for a towel. I wrapped up and took a seat at the big kids table. It's amazing what happens when there's nothing to do. Nobody has anywhere to be so there's a genuine "wanting to get to know each other and talk about our lives being changed" atmosphere. For over 2 hours we sat and talked, laughed, got to know each other and snacked. Oat crackers, cheese & guava jelly was a hit- thanks Chelle! :-P It's becoming harder and harder to watch teams go! Every week I meet amazing people that could be life-long friends and then they up and leave! Not fair! I heard some amazing stories about the week that I usually don't hear until the last reflection night. Geri talked about Chris' house, the infirmary where she washed and rubbed people's feet and the possibility of sponsoring a girl she'd met to go to college. Some people were saying there should be a warning on the application for this trip that it will change your life forever. One of the things Geri said that really stuck out was that the thought of going back to the things in her own house was sickening after seeing what she's seen here. I hope she doesn't mind that I'm sharing but it was really powerful. Talking to the teams about post-missions depression makes me anticipate it for myself and I'm not ready for it.

Tonight was a night of getting to know people, laughing, dancing and fun that I'd been praying for and it was provided in a way I didn't think was possible. As I said in the beginning of this little novel for the evening, I didn't know how I could possibly "relax" having everything on my mind. God made it happen in a way that I was still with the team, truly enjoying myself and mentally relaxing. He has a heck of a sense of humor...

I just finally had my hot shower and my arms are feeling a little more sore by the minute. So excited to spend the day refreshed, full of new energy & working with the team who is now full of good friends. :-D

Good night!

Sunday/Monday

Sunday was a day of moving/resting & reading as we had Northland heading home and CHWC teams coming in from Mississippi, the LA area, Nevada, Illinois, Florida and probably other states I'm forgetting about. I woke up and we had family style breakfast with Chelle, JC, Ralph and the 3 boys. Then I moved my bags from the temporary villa to the IsleGo villa where we webstreamed Northland's service, painted nails, made bracelets and enjoyed the quiet between teams. I ended up having a 2 hour nap which was amazing! The first half of the new team arrived around 3 so we got them settled in their rooms and did some more constructive relaxing until dinner at 5:30. Not only are all of the teams here new to Jamaica but many of them are new to anything near the equator so the caribbean was a fascination. Corinne said some of them were swimming and couldn't believe the taste of the salt water. I love love love the new ones. It's a great way to look at everything & appreciate what we see as if it's the first time again. After dinner we headed to the church in St. Ann's for orientation. We (Dusty) gave our IsleGo introduction/rules/don't smoke what they give you speech and we headed back to the villa. We were back for about 3 minutes when the power went out again.

The power going out is usually a fun adventure and not to say that it wasn't last night but here's the situation we were in. We had food in the ovens for the other half of the team that was meeting us at the church, ALL of the villas were locked so we couldn't have lanterns/candles ready, they'd all need to be finding their villas & rooms in the dark and to say that it was pitch black would be an understatement. I used the last little bit of battery I had in my phone to call Gregory and tell them to take as long as possible at the church- turns out the power was out at the church too and they were having mass by candlelight. They held off for a while but they came back to the 5 of us finding entertainment by sitting around a lantern watching the water dribble through the layer of ice in the middle of Jessica's water bottle. I'm not even a little bit embarrassed. :] When they got back we went from sitting trying to find things to do to looking back 40 minutes later feeling like a hurricane went through here. We were opening locks, unloading the busses/luggage, arranging rooms, REarranging rooms, re-re-rearranging rooms, searching for matches using the light of our 1 lantern to light the remaining oil lanterns and organizing the food in the kitchen for the team who arrived. Naturally, as if planned, the lights turned back on as soon as everybody was settled in, oil lamps lit & happily eating. After the lights were on and the groups were starting to go to bed, I moved my bags over to Michelle's room. We spent the rest of the evening organizing tools, infirmary supplies & toys for the kids so they could be sent out with the work groups today. It did not take long to fall asleep when my head hit that pillow!

This morning we woke up for the first day of work with the teams. Michelle organizes the groups so that they're forced to get to know each other. She created 4 work groups with 10 people each and they aren't all from the same youth group. CHWC has their morning worship starting at 7:30 with music, dancing & prayer. They also start with the blessing of the hands and singing of "the fragrance prayer," which just happens to be my favorite. After morning worship and breakfast we took 2 of the groups to start the morning at Seville. As usual, it was the first day which carried the heat exhaustion, dehydration and pukers. I'm convinced a lot of it has to do with the traveling/getting right to work because I know they drink gallons of water when we're with them and it's usually only the first day!

The team worked hard this morning carrying the 100 pound cement bags from the bottom of the site all the way up to the top, mixing cement and sending the buckets down the line to start filling the trench. This afternoon, Corinne and I got to be a part of the food baskets! We took the teams to a store in St Anns Bay which is cheaper and a cool experience because it's more of a local place versus the grocery store in Ochie. Nobody had any idea what size spice bun to get or how many filets of salt fish but it made it all the more entertaining. Today we delivered to a woman Cynthia who lives right by the new community center. She has 6 kids and some adorable little kittens. The second house we went to was a HIKE. We hiked about a mile up into the mountains to reach Mrs. G (I cannot think of her name!) who had no idea we were coming. She was an unbelievably sweet woman who lived on a farm area. She has 7 kids and there was also a little boy at the house that she was watching for the day. It was definitely my first experience visiting a house that was in what seemed to be the middle of no where. The house was in the middle of a vegetative heaven. Mangos, bananas and fields of fruits/veggies. Corinne and I talked about how humbling it is to deliver the food baskets. There's no feeling in the world like being the answer to somebody's desperate prayers- and to know it was God's plan all along is unbelievable.

Cynthia called today and asked what color dress I was wearing to the graduation. I mentioned before that she asked if I'd give a speech- I didn't realize how serious it was! She called because she wanted to get me a corsage that matched my dress :) I better start writing... How do you motivate kindergartners for life?! Holy pressure...

We were all exhausted and dripping sweat from our hike through the "bush" and ready to get back for dinner. The group's doing some grocery shopping and having mass in Ocho Rios tonight while I plan on going to bed early. :)

Gooood night!